“I desired for my father to be well cared for, and I recognized that this meant he should reside with me.” Reflecting on her role as the primary caregiver for her 88-year-old father, Althea Davis, 56, understands that this decision was foundational during the demanding four-year journey. The chief data officer, residing in Dubai with her two daughters, aged 18 and 13, and her husband, welcomed her widowed father from Florida, USA. Initially, everyone was delighted by his presence, but his health quickly declined. Davis felt mounting stress and struggled to manage as the primary caregiver.
“The responsibility fell entirely on me. I hold a demanding job. My daughters were at a crucial stage in their lives, requiring my attention. However, caring for my dad was a full-time commitment. I accompanied him to all his appointments; to the doctors and social engagements because maintaining community connections is vital for him. I also handled insurance arrangements and financial responsibilities. We hired a live-in nurse, but I ensured she was competent and aligned with my father’s needs and preferences.”
Davis recounted enduring a spectrum of emotions, often bearing the brunt of the emotional strain. “During his aggressive episodes, we had to physically restrain him for safety reasons. There was guilt because I knew he was frightened and unaware of his actions. Other times, when he verbally attacked me or other family members, I felt anger. Then there was profound sadness — I often thought: I won’t make it through this. What was I thinking bringing him into our home?”
When elderly parents become increasingly dependent on their adult children, family dynamics undergo significant changes, presenting psychological and emotional challenges. “Elderly individuals often link their self-worth to their ability to handle daily tasks and make autonomous decisions, so transitioning from independence to dependence can significantly impact their mental state,” explained Hiba Salem, a psychologist and adult specialist at Sage Clinics. “Simultaneously, caring for aging parents is a challenging and emotionally draining responsibility. Adult children undertaking this role often face considerable mental health challenges.”
The new reality of dependence can lead to feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, and frustration in elderly parents. Concerns about becoming a burden to their adult children — affecting their time, finances, and overall lives — can trigger guilt, heightened anxiety, and depression. Social isolation, particularly when elderly parents move to new environments, can lead to loneliness and increase the risk of depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline.
While caregiving can be fulfilling, it often brings mental health challenges for adult children, including stress, anxiety, depression, guilt, and burnout. Guilt arises when they feel they aren't doing enough, and resentment can develop if caregiving disrupts their lives. Becoming a caregiver out of obligation can intensify these negative feelings for both the elderly parent and the caregiver.
However, with coping mechanisms and support systems in place for both parties, there are ways to manage the impact on mental health. “Families can support their elderly parents by promoting open communication, respecting autonomy, and providing access to appropriate health resources, including mental health resources,” said Salem. “Through compassionate care and understanding, families can navigate this transition with empathy and resilience, ensuring that elderly parents feel valued and supported in this new chapter of their lives.”
Adult caregivers can effectively manage these challenges by practicing self-care and self-compassion, setting realistic expectations, and utilizing available support resources. “If you’re doing your best with the resources you have, remember that being overly critical of yourself doesn’t benefit anyone,” Salem added.
Davis attributes her ability to overcome the stress and anxiety related to being a primary caregiver to educating herself about her father’s illness, connecting with supportive communities, and practicing self-care. “Understanding his diagnosis helped me realize that much of what he said and did was beyond his control – these were symptoms of early onset, and later progressing, dementia and Alzheimer’s. I spoke with others who had elderly parents dealing with similar illnesses, and their relatability was a great relief – I didn’t feel so alone. I also made time for energy work through alternative therapies to better care for myself. These strategies helped me stay grounded.”
With a proper treatment plan and medications for her father, along with effective coping mechanisms and support systems in place for herself, Davis acknowledges that her entire family is now in a better place. “I would repeat this journey if it means my dad can live out his life beside us, receiving compassionate care. But I approach it differently now – one day at a time.”
