That was a close call. Despite the media frenzy over mass withdrawals and the puzzling absence of a new manager who – Football Daily double-checks – isn’t scheduled to start until next year, England managed to scrape through and secure promotion back to the top tier of European football’s version of the old quiz show Turnabout. A midday spectacle of such convoluted complexity that even its host admits to not fully grasping the rules, it nonetheless drew a massive audience simply because … well, it was on. And so, Wembley Stadium was packed to the rafters on Sunday for a match dubbed a “must-win” for England, even though many in attendance had no clue why. It was, at least, something to do.

Employing tactics akin to a fool arguing nonsensically with someone far more intelligent on a Social Media Abomination, Ireland started by trying to drag England down to their level and then outplay them with their extensive experience in not being very good at football. This strategy worked to a degree, particularly in the early stages of the second half when Harry Kane’s eerily accurate, game-altering pass from the touchline to Jude Bellingham reduced them to 10 men and earned England a penalty, which the captain converted. While the Irish had reason to feel aggrieved over a denied penalty in the first half, their subsequent collapse left the post-match atmosphere more尴尬, with their captain Nathan Collins even apologizing for the performance. “First of all, it’s probably an apology from all the lads for that second half,” he said. “That’s nowhere near the standard we should be. Obviously, circumstances change things but we know as a group we’re a lot better than that and that’s not on.” As Irish as Guinness, leprechauns, and dancing a jig while holding our arms rigidly down by our sides in a manner that only a referee or his video assistant would consider natural, this edition of Football Daily thinks Collins is venturing into risky territory by apologizing for a poor performance, especially given most of Ireland’s recent performances. However, we take issue with his claim that the boys in green “are a lot better than that”, as most evidence suggests otherwise.

What about England? Following a largely successful six-game stint in charge, achieving his goal of winning promotion and introducing eight new youngsters including Roy Keane’s future son-in-law, the interim manager will hand over a team in excellent shape to Thomas Tuchel, a hired gun with a 15-game target. While the German may not have been in England last week, he can hardly have missed the distinct sound of media quills being sharpened before he even starts. “I will hopefully go and meet Thomas and present what we think and what we’ve found,” said Carsley of the dossier he plans to leave in Tuchel’s in-tray. “I look forward to meeting him in the next few weeks.” Whether Tuchel will be as enthusiastic about hearing the excruciating details of how England won their episode of Turnabout remains to be seen.

Join Rob Smyth from 7.45pm GMT for live Nations League minute-by-minute coverage of Poland 2-1 Scotland. “I’m absolutely devastated so I’m going to try and cleanse the area. There’s a graveyard somewhere near. Honestly, I’m not joking. I think [it] is very close to an ancient burial site so I’m going to get my wife to come up and say sorry to all these people and hopefully we’ll have a bit more luck” – Swindon Town boss Ian Holloway has possibly been watching too much Pet Sematary, but with his team 22nd in League Two, he’s decided it’s time for action regarding their “haunted” training ground. He has at least refrained from following in the, er, footsteps of Barry Fry. “I don’t want to do what he did, I think he had to urinate on the corners of his pitch but I’m going to get my wife to come up with her sage.” Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is …. Ed Taylor, who wins their very own piece of Football Weekly merch. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

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