We are used to understanding of the gender world through male and female professions, behavioural models and character features and get surprised when something is going not according to the pattern. Everyone waits for masculine decisive actions, strong decisions and authentic image from men. But may be its high time to look around attentively and try to understand if we are stuck in stereotypes. Walking by a street in Moscow is sometimes a quest with the question: who are these people resembling of Elois of Herbert Wells? What is happening to gender roles distribution today and why, our columnist, the owner of clinic Stomatologiya 31, owner of boutique Le Grand Bazarr Yulia Rempel tells.
Women’s mission is a very serious and deep topic. Women’s aura and energy is a priori stronger than men’s, we give life to new people, therefore our energy bank should be bigger. There’s no competition in it, it is a fact, pure logic. Physically we are weaker than men though, so we theoretically are surviving worse in natural environment. But practically since the time of cognitive revolution woman has a certain quality of brain helping her to organize the space and actors the way that surviving is easier in any situation.
We are innately able to manage, the main thing is to choose the business we really like. Profession should be chosen according to preferences because woman is a soul and spirit. Some of us sometimes have no time for the work we like because we have our duties, families, children, husbands, but it is extremely important to do what you want too. It is a brain and emotional system’s food helping us to develop. Choice is freedom for me otherwise you can become a programmed robot moving one way in habitual direction.
By profession, I am a children’s dentist. It was laid inside of me, as long as I can remember I wanted to be a dentist. It wasn’t even my choice, it was me. Now I’m still staying in dentistry, ruling the clinic. At the same time I turned to retail, to fashion. Appearance is something you are met on. Feeling of myself begins from what I wear. It is about images: today I want to resemble Marilyn Monroe and tomorrow might want a masculine style. It stresses my mood and wish to act and show myself today. This and many other things are necessary for a woman, because family is good, children are perfect but there should be something left for yourself. We should feed ourselves with emotions. Positive things, compliments, looks — all of it is food for our flourishing.
Moscow became one of the big fashion centers. Healthy and vivid competition is important here, you are always motivated to develop, change, dress up, look beautiful and trim. This makes our city look more attractive. In the world of fashion androgyny rules today, style of Tilda Swinton. The idea of free choice of image is something I like very much. Women always wanted more comfort, let’s remember Ekaterina II who ordered a portrait of herself in the uniform of the Preobrazhensky Regiment. And though George Sand’s husband was complaining that he was married to a man because his wife was openly wearing suits shocking Paris’ society by this fact, in our days you won’t surprise anyone this way. Since Marlene Dietrich’s times a woman in tuxedo is not kitsch any more but even quite sex appealing. Men dandyism wasn’t by passed by the famous Coco Chanel who once confessed to Salvador Dali that through all of her life she “was busy with changing man’s costume to woman’s: jackets, hairstyles, ties, cuffs”.
Talking about the picture of society in the whole we can admit two sides — a good and a bad one. We are slowly changing roles, there’s more men in our culture who are eager to be a bit of a woman whatever they mean by that. I adore menswear, particularly suits. I wear a tuxedo and bowtie with pleasure, there must be a masculine part in me, but on the other side I never forget that I’m a woman and being feminine means wearing dresses and shoes. De-pending on the temperature, I wear dresses with tights except in the summer, when, as an American, I do without them. I am not embarrassed by the need to be strong and multitask, same with my wish to keep my female essence, I’m sure there’s harmony and power of our gender in this unit. The choice of precise dress is a couple of minutes business, I do it easily and feel good in the clothes I chose.
Men are complaining sometimes that we don’t wear high heels, cover under the warm scarf and pass by not paying any attention to them. But what do these people want while they forgot to open doors for us, give up their seat for us. They don’t pay compliments, they can speak rude to a woman they don’t know, not even talking about close ones. The etiquette was followed long ago, attitude used to be better and it made gender interaction brighter. So, everything is mutual, it is logical that we don’t want to deal with them from position of the weak gender, minding the fact that gender competition in our society exists, people even are seriously arguing who is better — them or us. People like ourselves concerning business and self realization is almost the same as theirs: we are taking same leading roles as they do more often than before. And of course, they dislike it. The habitual scheme of gender socialization, meaning that woman is a homemaker, doesn’t work same as it used to. They can’t accept that a woman who took their leading role doesn’t appreciate their indignation. Why not us, we are strong, sportive, intelligent and educated too.
Choice of life partner is one of the most important, because it is not just about emotions and love, it is also about children. It is a big step to decide who will help to carry your energy embodied in children. I assume that women choose in this world. There are fewer men in Russia than women and it might seem that men choose, but in fact it it’s not like this at all. Woman is leading in partnership and a man is just a male. You should start your choice of man starting from looking at your parents. Looking at their family settings and relationship you can extract seventy percent of what your future husband will be. Education is important, behaviour in socium, vertical and horizontal connections. Though being young you rarely listen to all of these arguments, usually the love dizziness means more, as it was in my case. And here it is very important to ‘agree on everything on the beach’ and then approve your choice with time. Once upon a time I took a decision in my beloved one’s favour, I left my country and started studying in Moscow in Russian language and I don’t regret it.
Giving birth to children is a test for each us. My second child’s birth was a nontrivial situation: we were told that they might try to save … just me. I am deeply sure that decisions of the kind are not taken here and by us, we were both saved and this is of course an interference from above. I told to myself that going through this once again would be more than I could bare. And nevertheless we have four children. That means that some things we choose but some, concerning life and death, are taken from above strengthening our Faith.
Future will put everything to its place, I think there will be a time when our children will have to choose. I want them to have a freedom of choice whom to become, today. It is not about me to give advices and affect them, I just can tell my opinion when I’m asked. I tell them one thing: do just what you like to work on, you can’t be happy without it. We can help them only showing by our own example how to act, how to choose, how to work. I guess children are proud of a mother who is not just cooking soup but is always busy with something, developing some ideas, fully included in social life, developing, and what is the most important, they see when our eyes are full of light, life is interesting for us. They are proud of their parents’ results. And this I consider to be the most important thing for me and them.
